A Touch Of the Unexpected

There are several things that I never expected in life that have turned out to be blessings of unimaginable proportions. One of those is the love, fellowship and comfort I have found in the rooms of recovery. I can't imagine any little girl dreaming of her future and saying, “When I grow up I want to marry an alcoholic who will eventually find recovery and we can go to meetings together!” Yet, here I am, 15 years into our marriage, doing just that, and I'm truly enjoying it.

The love was probably the most unexpected. I mean how many places can you walk into a room, not know a single person there and receive hugs and unconditional love just because you're there?! Not many, I'd say, but the rooms of Al-Anon and AA do just that. You are welcomed “with open arms" and loved for who you are, even if you're (and sometimes because you're) not able to love yourself at that moment.

Don't get me wrong, I was petrified when I first walked into an Al-Anon meeting, unsure of what to expect and what kind of people I would be faced with, but the words that I heard, the steadiness of the people around me and the hugs with murmured words of, “Just keep coming back.” made me feel more at ease and completely welcomed. The same was given in the first AA room I walked into with Duckie...I wasn't even a member, but they welcomed me into the rooms with the same love that they had shown my husband.

Which brings me to the fellowship. I've always been known as a “people person” who could make friends with a lamp post if it was the only thing near me to talk to, but I'd withdrawn over the years, not trusting that I would be accepted and even if I was, I just “knew” no one would accept my sullen and often angry husband. I've found more friendship, true camaraderie, in such a short time than I have found in the rest of my life. I'm still learning in little ways and big, what that friendship means...it's amazing and a little scary, but infinitely worth it.

I thought they must be insane to love me and welcome me with friendship so easily; that it would surely go away once they got to know me and found out how annoying I could be. Wasn't that what almost everyone did? But that “insanity” drew me to them like nothing else could...that was all I had known for so long that it was comfortable. As I got to know different people, they didn't draw away, they actually smiled, nodded and said things like, “I did that, too! Didn't it make you feel insane?!” with little laughs at their own craziness. I've never felt so un-judged by so many people in the same place! No one tells me that things that happened were all my fault or what I should have done...they nod, give me encouragement of the future and make sure that I know that things can change if I am willing to let them.

The smells of cigarette smoke and coffee, eerily familiar thanks to a childhood spent at Temple Civic Theatre, add to my feelings of ease. I've met people in both of the rooms who remind me of characters from my childhood in that amazing place. I know you're laughing at me calling people I remember “characters”, but they truly were/are. I heard my first dirty joke at a cast party, I learned how to dance, sing, play cards quietly in the green room so the stage manager wouldn't hear us, how to do props, painting, and the all important making a quick change of clothes by stripping out of my current costume while running through the lobby on my way to the dressing room for the new costume. I, along with many other kids, spent summers there learning at the feet of my mother's best friend how to put on a production from start to finish. There are people that I grew up with at TCT who will forever be my family and, I find, it is the same with some of the people in the rooms of recovery...what an interesting parallel to my childhood. Add that to the list of the unexpected!