My Education on Communication

One of the things I am best known for is how talkative I can be. For as long as I can remember I've been a motor-mouth of epic proportions, but in all of that talking I wasn't very good at communicating. I could tell you a 15 minute story about something inane, but would never even dream of saying that I preferred to go to Olive Garden instead of Red Lobster. I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by going against what they wanted.

It's part of the Curse of the People Pleasers...we do anything for everyone else, even at the expense of ourselves. A lot of the time we please people to the point of exhaustion, anger and/or sadness. Some of us don't even know that's what has caused the pain we are feeling, we honestly have done it for so long that it's no longer a conscious thought.

A year ago I started on the Path of Recovery and started looking within myself to see what could be done with me instead of everyone else. It's not always easy to focus on myself, the Curse is strong with this one, but as I grasp the fact that I do not have any control over anyone else, including their happiness, I also learn that it's okay for me to do the things that I like to do, too. This has led to even further enlightenment in the realm of communication.

As I start to speak up, I've noticed that my inane talking has lessened. I don't feel the need to gibber-jabber about nothing at all because I'm saying what really needs to be said more frequently. I'm less frustrated, happier with myself and that has brought about changes in the way that people around me are dealing with me. Less frustration also means that the harmful, hateful things that erupted from me on occasion aren't escaping as often either. Because it's not just about learning to speak up, it's also learning when to stay silent. Not the angry silence, though...you know the kind that permeates the air around you to the point that it is tangible. No, this silence is an accepting one...allowing myself to accept that the people around me have the right to their feelings just as much as I do.

Now don't let this make you think it's been easy...it's not. You don't change a lifetime's bad habit over night. I must have vigilance and frequent reminders of what I have learned. It takes trust that there is Someone greater than myself who will take care of all of those little (and sometimes big) things that I am not in power of.  So I continue going to meetings, striving to better myself and become the woman I know I can be and then I sit back and watch the relationships that had grown so broken start to heal. I'm laughing more often and enjoying people who used to pluck my very last nerve...because when I stop trying to control the world around me, realize that it can and will keep going without my input on every little thing, it becomes a much easier place to live.  And THAT is worth every ounce of work I've put into it.